The Scariest Thing I Have Ever Seen

It was bound to happen sooner or later. A video so terrible that even I, with my well-worn armor of detached cynicism, found genuinely disturbing. A video that I can barely bring myself to watch again, because even though I know how it ends, I still want to scream “Noooooooo!” at my laptop. 

As heavy as it weighs on me, I do consider it my obligation to explain what is really happening in this video. This dog is massively, overwhelmingly uncomfortable with what is happening and her people are oblivious.

Look how still Dizzy's head is, and how much tension is in her front legs. She’s on a knife-edge right now. Look at how she twists her body away—she’s desperate to get out of this situation. Every fiber of her being is employed in expressing how bad she’s feeling, from her knitted brow to her submissive grin. 

Dizzy is going to bite someone’s face off, and it’s probably going to happen soon. The victim will have no idea why this happened, because it will be in the course of another session just like this one. Only this time some subtle thing will be different for Dizzy—a headache, a trapped nerve, adrenaline from a recent game of fetch, who knows what—and she’ll give up trying to communicate without violence. 

Sneaky Weenie

Here’s a dachshund that’s supposedly demonstrating a flair for the theatrical - lulling her friend into a false sense of security by pretending to be asleep until she has a chance to share a toy.

MI6 should probably hold off sending their recruiter, however, because this dog is not a future secret agent. She’s actually giving us a pretty great demonstration of how to respond to something called Resource Holding Potential.

The big dog is having a great time with the toy, but the little dog wants it. However, it’s pretty clear that she’s not going to get it by asking nicely - she tries, but the big dog moves to cover the toy with her body, and gives her a bit of side-eye into the bargain. These are ways to tell the dachshund to back off. The dachshund responds by yawning, which is a calming signal. The conversation is going like this:

“Toy! Yay, I’m biting it! Wheeeee!”

“Can has?”

“No. Mine.”

“But what if it was….maybe mine instead?”

“Nope. Not happening. My toy.”

“Okay, okay. Chill. I’m going over here. Enjoy your stupid toy”

When it seems like the big dog might be done with the toy, the dachshund gets right back in there - but alas, she’s jumped the gun! Once again, the big dog makes it clear that she’s pretty invested in keeping it all to herself, and once again the dachshund makes the smart choice. 

The little dog might not be a candidate for covert ops, but she’s definitely got great social skills!

Ducklings: The Ugly Truth

Recently, The Dodo published an article about a pair of littermates who “love” a pair of ducklings.

(Ah, the Dodo. Remember when they used to be cool?)

The first video is supposed to show one of the dogs being “protective” of the ducklings:

Is that happening? Nope. The dog is staying very still, ears back, brows furrowed, sometimes looking away. These aren’t behaviors we’d expect to see in resource guarding; they’re more like avoidance behaviors. The dog looks like he’s been put in a down-stay and instructed to leave the ducklings alone. He’s not doing anything that would suggest guarding - he’s not really doing much of anything at all. 

The second video is supposed to be “playing”:

What about this video looks like play? None. The dog is just lying there, on his side, motionless. Even when the ducks are pulling at his ear, this dog might as well be comatose. If the dog were playing, we’d expect to see play bows, sniffing, nudging - we’d expect to see something, at least! This behavior looks like two cues - “settle” and “leave it”. 

Clearly, these dogs are very well-trained. It’s not easy to resist something so deliciously bite-sized. And, they might be having a good time practicing impulse control - hopefully there’s a reward in it for them when the filming is over. But these videos are not evidence of a warm and fuzzy bond with their new adopted family members. 

Original posts: Life of Pikelet Facebook page 

A Real Howler

Here’s a husky supposedly “comforting” a squalling baby.

Does the dog look particularly concerned about the baby’s wellbeing? Nope. He’s making a noise because the baby is making a noise, and that’s what huskies do. 

Northern breeds like huskies often find themselves howling when they hear other howl-like noises - anything from pianos to fire trucks can set them off. It’s an example of social facilitation. If there’s a more obnoxious howling noise than a baby crying, I haven’t heard it yet. 

Why did the baby stop crying? No idea. Could be related to the strange new noise the husky is making, or it could be because it’s been crying for a while and nobody seems to be doing anything. We just don’t know. What we do know is that dogs don’t really give a crap about babies. 

Original video post: https://www.facebook.com/greenyatra/videos/1104096156307224/

Strictly Baby Dog Whisperer

This baby is being touted as the "next Dog Whisperer" for his intuitive grasp of canine communication. 

While she's probably more effective than the actual dog whisperer (and certainly less dangerous), this isn’t baby’s first steps to global dog training stardom because Wicket the puppy has no idea what’s going on. 

These behaviors - bowing, high-pitched barking, the fast wagging tail, and the little forward and backward bounces - suggest that the little puppy is conflicted. It’s excited about the gurgling, weird-smelling blob over there, but also kind of scared of it. Is it scary, or fun? Is it a toy? 

Puppies often act this way around strange objects. There’s a risk that the excitement can turn into anxiety, which is why it’s important to introduce them to lots of new things in a fun, positive way. 

The baby, as far as I can tell, is just making baby noises. Babies do that, apparently. Sophie may be trying to communicate with the dog, but maybe not. Either way, this isn’t a conversation, it’s two monologues happening at the same time. Perhaps Sophie and Wicket can look forward to careers in politics…